Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Its A Start

I find myself everyday in a constant battle about my past. I ask myself what would my life be like if I didn’t do this, that or the other? I had my first child at 17, totally unexpected. I was still in high school, playing softball, and working on going to college at Stephen F. Austin. Everything was planned and perfect. I did not want anything to interrupt my so called “perfect life”. But then it hit me; my plan had changed. I knew I did not want to be a statistic but felt I disappointed a lot of people. I was not a very good example for my younger brother or sister. My parents had no idea I was even having sex but somehow I was going to make it work. I stayed home for the 1st year of Leah’s life. It was beyond amazing to watch a child grow and change. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. Her father was absent most of the time, only reaping the benefits of “me” and not his child. I was being used, physically and mentally abused and I continued until I found out I was pregnant with my second child at 20 years old. Keep in mind; I was on birth control with both of my pregnancies. I was trying to prevent-I was in no position to have another child. No money, no house, no husband, and oh did I say no money! I stayed with the biological father until I was 3 months pregnant. Then I left for good.

In my mind I knew I was already doing it on my own but not on my own terms. The only person who could change that was me! I decided to make the biggest move of my life. I was 20 years old, had a 2 yr old, I was pregnant again and on my own. Checkmate!


Adria said...

The best thing that ever happened to me was being a single mom with AJ. I was walking her around the neighborhood when I ran into Trav's mom and we got back in touch. XXXOOO

~Faithers~ said... are so strong and have accomplish so much in such a short time...more than others in a life time. I remember the times you are talking about and yes they were rough, but look at you know :) So strong, and awesome family & friends, and the Lord to thank! :) OXOXOX Miss hanging out like the good ole days! :)